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April - August, Summer of EvaluationPosted on August 1, 2007 at 7:27 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkThe gap between postings from April and August are a reflection of the unabashed chaos I am in. Inspired by other blogs, and the life changing events of the last weeks are cause for this blog and updates of accountability. Changes to note: I am not walking in the Breast Cancer 3 Day as hoped, and I didn't make it into the Fringe Festival. Also I am still looking for THE Full Time job. How is it that I have a masters degree in educational instruction, management experience for over a decade, international experience, an amazing personality... and no FT job. I am under the firm belief that all online applications (that do take hours to fill out and cut and paste) go into a huge void in the universe. And the HR people just don't know talent when it arrives in their inbox. Its wildly frustrating. Other updates. The week before Memorial Day I was part of inhome hospice care for my aunt, who was closer to me than my own mother. It was a life changing experience. Anything like that always is. And last week I went to the funeral of a great uncle, the last of my grandpa's brothers. More life analysis. Add in to that moving in with nice people who turned out to have really oppressive habits and a tendency to treat rabbits like indoor cats (its gross having the rabbits hop and poop all over the living room). So... where am I now. This month I turn 31. And I know this has to be a year of dramatic differences. Health and Wealth as part of the 390 Revolution. And today is day 1. Check in. Weight: 290. I'm beautiful and talented, but people can't see it under all the gross jiggly wall I've created. THE WALL IS ELIMINATED this year. I start a life long simplicity diet -- no meat, no artificial colors, no high fructose corn syrup products, hardly any sugars, mostly fat free, no white bread, no white rice, very very little dairy (I need cottage cheese for protien for a while yet)... and mostly fruits, veggies, whole grains, oatmeal, cornmeal. This is radical for me. But I need radical to make a dramatic change. And Wealth... I am a consultant for a pet sitting organization, and am starting home businesses (online and sales) in addition to landing that FT job. I also need that FT job to have benefits. Its been years since I have had health insurance. Anyone else see the direct correlation on my health? Duh. Need health insurance. FIRST Phase of the 3*90 revolution: Aug 1 - Oct 29. Life Chaos and Sad AvoidancePosted on April 15, 2007 at 9:28 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkI get a present everyday and don't appreciate it. I get a new day, each morning. A body in full working condition, lungs that work, all four limbs are useful, all 5 senses, and no illness. A gift of a new day. And as you can tell, since I started this accountability blog in January and its now 3 months later, mid April, I let my life chaos lap at each day like waves upon the sand, and each day the undertow of sad avoidance is astoundingly strong.
I won't make excuses. That's what's probably got me into this mess.
I will make an effort now that "things have settled down." I am glad to announce that I am in a nurturing, stable home environment now, have reliable transportation, great new employment and second streams of income too. And even have a modern 2007 laptop. (The "old" apple clamshell 2000 had become sadly obsolete). That means more accessibility. And more accountability.
Just as the friend of the Amazing Shrinking Couple had recently passed over more fat clothes from purging her closets, I also see other AHA! moments of "you know better, so do better" reflections. Sat between two friends (a mom and her son) at a theater show last Thursday and all three of us are "big people." We're all "morbidly obese" on the scales.
I hate, loathe, and detest that phraseology. Blech.
And as I sat between them, I felt like the smallest. That was no comfort to me. The whole family is bigger than average. All well educated, well adjusted people. But just as I know my weight issues are a mask for the "what's eating you" psychology, I feel sad when I see other Big people. We all look so sad. May have the best personalities and life credentials to knock your socks off, but we all look so sad. And bad. I saw it in them, what I could not see in me. They look un-healthy. They look sad. They look burdened by the excess weight and flab. They uncomfortable. And they are. I am too. (That's an uncomfortable moment).
Time to buck up and take control. Boy am I looking forward to leaving this Wall I've created. I have so much I want to do this summer! Time to step up. 36 week Financial FitnessPosted on January 13, 2007 at 4:58 AM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link43 Week Financial Fitness
3*90 Revolution 1*90 Revolution: Phase 1
Week 1 - Calculate my net worth: Chart last years spending (monthly and annually) AND crunch debt numbers. This will be a sobering first week. Also start mileage notebook in car. (Can be used for tax deductions for 2007)
Week 2 - Cost of living (What do I need to be making annually?); AND Percentages at banks (what's my percentage rates on my accounts? Do they offer high interest savings accounts? Minimum balances? Business account interest rates?) ALSO new housing options price /ameneties compare.
Week 3 - Find extra $$ sources to pay down debt. Start Envelope System of cash. Pay self first -- 10% of every cash recieved goes into (new) Emergency fund. Once fund is established, can take same 10% and put into $aving$ account. Tithe monthly.
Week 4 - Latte Factor calculator (Debt Diet site). Valentines Day = Love your Taxes Day. My taxes will be done by Valentines. *** Week 5 - (Feb 11 - 17) Set up online banking and bill pay and financial tracking. take advantage of employer financial programs like 401K / 403B Retirement savings. Install Money or Quicken program into computer; daily accounting. Week 6 - Create budget goals (short, mid & long term); create budget Week 7 - Create Life Information Organizer & Home Business financial focus; start to accrue stuff for Emergency Preparedness Kit. Week 8 - (March 4 - 10) Renters insurance. Digital photos and descriptions of belongings preparation/ Moving preparation.. Home Business financial focus. *** 9 - Home business financial focus. Emergency preparedness kit complete. 10 - Free Credit report. Compare to last year's report. Investigate how to improve credit score. 11 - ( March 25 - 31) Map out year's expenses. Research a smart credit card to have. 12 - Celebrate spring! Celebrate and make a list of how the last 90 days of focus have catapulted your Health and Wealth. Its also the week of April Fools day, Passover, Good Friday and Easter. Relish in colorful new spring fling dresses and skirts (home made) and take some photographs in the sunshine.
2*90 Revolution: Phase 2 Start fundraising for Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk; Also preparations for August Fringe Festival. 13 - School Loan payback calendar. Figure it. Stick to it. (Taxes deadline) 15 - Open Roth IRA & seek out Simplified Employee Pension (SEP) & Keogh info. 16 - Week of Flight to Holyoke Massachusetts. Travel budgeting; seeing friends.
Week 17 - May 6 - Day of Marathon Budget check in. How else can I be Earning? Saving? What am I doing well now that I've made serious changes? May 12 = Masters graduation commencement ceremony. You are ready for the next level. week investigate & ask around about a few stocks and mutual funds to invest in. Order investor's prospectus. Week 18 - May 13 = Mother's day. (May 13 - 19) Insurance week A: Disability Insurance Business financial check up. Financial organization check up. Make pie charts for YTD expenses, and savings. Summer plans are solidified: List cheap / free summer events and activities to participate in. Create list of new running /biking routes. Set budget for summer travel & events. Week 19 - Investmet Mix. Meet with a financial planner. Get into mid and long range goal planning and financial preparations = Car, Real estate, travel, retirement. Insurance week B: Medical Insurance Week 20 - This week Bolder Boulder 10K in Boulder Colorado with Bronwyn from New Zealand! Insurance week C: Life Insurance
21 - Insurance week D: Car insurance. Wrap up all insurance business. Where are you on 3 Day Walk donations? Fringe festival time frame and budget? 22 - Seek out investor information on non profits. 23 - June 17 = Father's Day. Have family photo taken. Investigate growth of Stocks. June 21 = First day of summer June 23rd - Great American National Backyard Campout! 24 - June 24 - 30. Celebrate all your hard work in Phase 2! Enjoy the start of Summer! Print out information about adventures, places to travel, and compile. Having information handy helps with future planning. This week book hotel in Chicago for October 1 Marathon and October 2 recovery. Check out theater events before marathon and after-marathon.
3*90 Revolution: Phase 3 25 - Mortality Clause: Create a Will & Living Will and FUN Funeral party. Establish pre-payment with funeral home; seek out information on pricing. Seek out info on burial plots. 26 - July 8 - 14. Financial organization check up. Make pie charts for YTD expenses, and savings. New financial life "Dr Feel Good" diagnosis. 27- TBD 28 - "Beware the Lure of Tax deffered Annuities." Research, who what where why when how about Annuitities (single premium & flexible premium; Immediate & deffered; Fixed rate & variable rate). I don't need them now, but you need to be knowledgeable about why. Then ask -- do I ever need them? When? Create a document and file it.
29 - July 29: Full Moon. TBD 30 - Aug 5 - 11 Fringe Festival Performances! 31 - Breather week. Regroup all fringe / 3 Day finances and personal finances. 32 - Aug 1- 25 Aug 24 - 27 Three Day 60 mile Breast Cancer Walk.
33 - Where were you a year ago -- take stock, take pause, take notice. TBD 34 - TBD 35 - Reflect on what have learned and achieved - Health & Wealth - Successes. 36 - Reflect on what want to learn / achieve now!
Chicago Marathon focus and training count down. Financial Plan: website listPosted on January 13, 2007 at 4:45 AM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkMy financial leadership team so far, published authors and haphazard (Passive) financial tracking. That will change shortly here.
Favorite financial inspiration: Your Money or Your Life by J.Dominenguez and the simple Living Network. www.Simplelivingnetwork.net and voluntary simplicity and frugality. I'll also will work off the wisdom of 52 Weeks to Financial Fitness by M. Loeb, Automatic Millionaire workbook by D. Bach, and J. Chatzky's writings.
Websites:
Ka-Chink Blog http://www.startribune.com/blogs/kablog/
http://www.finishrich.com/pages/home.php (Bach's home site)
http://www.oprah.com/money/debtdiet/money_debtdiet_main.jhtml Debt Diet Link
http://www.jeanchatzky.com/ontv.html TV topics list
Financial Health Diagnosis bleakPosted on January 13, 2007 at 4:36 AM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkIn addition to 300 days focussed on my health and well being, I also need to focus on my financial health. If a diagnosis was needed I'd say the patient was in failing health and recovering from heart attacks, strokes and previous partial coma conditions. Currently in Intensive Care. Patient has been given ample information about financial health and has not applied any self-education to better the situation, living on hope and luck rather than following the regimented plan. Also, financial plan has an invisible team of support. Patient contacts them for emergency interventions but has not sought out financial planning and accountability. Pay check to pay check and periods of gross, negligent under employment, and months of unemployment have created atmosphere of distrust amongst family members. Patient has serious work to do. Patient needs to forget all distractions and drama and focus on why her life has been so hard.
Dr Feelgood
>>> Well, when you put it that way... >>> I clearly can (and will) turn my financial health around in 43 weeks. Done. And this blog will chart my progress. 3:25 in the morningPosted on January 13, 2007 at 4:22 AM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkThe house I live in just now has a dividing wall in it creating two living units. The people who built the wall were daft. No sound proofing. And for the last half hour I could not sleep. I can hear my neighbor's TV loud and clear. Its one thing to need a tv in your bedroom in the first place (bad choice people: horrifyingly high Electromagnetic Fields radiating from them just for having them plugged in and even scarier levels when they are on. Why do you need that in a place of rest??), and another thing to need it on so Loud that others hear you.
Isn't a time of sleep when your hyper charged brain is supposed to calm down & rest?
I don't have any electronics in my bedroom except the light. Frankly I don't know that any person in the industrialized world really needs gadgets, much less TVs in the bedroom.
TVs are for the living. They belong in the living room. Beds are for sleeping, in the quiet. They belong in the bedroom. When did modern people get confused about this?
The numbers people, numbersPosted on January 12, 2007 at 10:38 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkI know after reading volumes written about health and weight loss that you aren't supposed to focus on a certain size. Yeah, i get it. Its about lifestyle change, and HEALTH not a number. But in the health statistics game, numbers are everything. Your weight number, your cholesterol number, your HDL & LDL numbers, numbers people. Numbers. Don't tell me it ain't about numbers. People often thrive in accountability programs because of the weigh in. Numbers people. Numbers.
So my numbers make me sick. I am 5'6 and about 300#. Its really sad when your doc says at your check up "You carry it well." What rot. So barfing out more numbers I'm not afrais to tell you I'm a size 26 in jeans today (passed down from a friend who is amazingly successful at weight watchers and had to purge fat clothes from her closet.) I'll be referring to her and her hubby as the Incredible Shrinking Couple.
Goal: Size 10 pants/dress. Size 10 seems reasonable. I know I have to become an athlete to be a size 10. So be it. If that's what it takes, bring it on.
So other numbers: Three marathons in one year. One Rock wall climbing // REI membership. One Arboretum (with a 3 mile nature loop path) membership. One Gym membership. One fierce determination& work ethic and a complimentary belief in miracles.
HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.... Number comparisons? In the beginning of 7th grade I was in size 16 pleated jeans. I needed the extra room from the pleats. I was a a fashion victim, as I also pinned those jeans and wore two different color socks in junior high too. At my smallest when I had atrociously painful headgear and braces in 9th I relished being a 12. My "Skinny" summer I had a plaid, silk lined pair of "executive" type walking shorts, size 12. I kept them. I loved them. I will get back in to them soon. But MILES to go, miles to go.
In HS I was a 14 and pretty much thought I was fat, but accepted my self as I was -- I was academically driven, always on the honor roll and was an extra curricular star: newspaper, photography, debate, speech, theater, honor society. All sorts of friends in many different social groups. Basic gregarious overachiever. Who needed thin when you could get by on your GPA and your personality? Well being 30, no one cares about my GPA and my personality is flickering and dimming in the shadow of my obesity. I relish in the time tested fact that I will get smarter and my personality will radiate once I am thinner.
The night I graduated from HS I was in my first car accident (from sunset glare of all things)and totaled my car, a gift from my parents. I was devastated. Emotional eating was my only comfort that summer as I hibernated from the world in my parents basement and contemplated my world without transportation.
In college I stayed a 14. I was active and put in monster hours. The woman next door was an open foodie connesseur anorexic and another was an open exercise bulemic. I never lived the "college years" life I thought college kids were supposed to. I was tee-total, lived in chemical free dorms all 4 years, and lived in the theater for my major. My final semester how ever, after a semester in London where I walked everywhere and was almost down to a 12 again, was lived on barrels of Mtn Dew and piles of chocolate chip cookies from the caf. It was 17 weeks of sugar OverDose in the name of deadlines, and an insane number of projects and activities. And it showed.
One day after graduation from college, I was in another car accident: at 3:30pm broad sided on a highway from a moron who didn't want to stop at his county road stop sign. Another summer immobilized in my parents basement doing piddly jobs here and there and susisting on crap food for solace. I became good friends with Betty Crocker, Hostess, and Sara Lee. And it showed more. So I felt worse. And ate more.
I took a job that paid me $250 every two weeks. And discovered why the poor in America are obese and overweight. Healthy foods are expensive. Crap foods are cheap and abundant. From cheese doodle wangles to preservative packed poobahs and other nonfoods (did you know it says right there on the Velveeta box "cheese food" -- what is that, the food they feed cheese to make it grow? Not really a cheese? A labratory created food entity? Yep!) crap foods seem like the only source a pinched income can afford. It was a year of alot of cardboard pizzas, milk and cereal and cheapo noodles among other blech things.
The next year I took an internship - a whopping $100 a week. True. Don't even get me started on how the internship undercurrent in this nation is not an economic disservice, its illegal. I was in Florida near the ocean, and biked to work most of the time. Lived off of bunch of burritos packages. Cheap, small, portable, and filled you up. Plus all sorts of foods with ingredients I couldn't ever pronounce. I gained more weight from that experience from a crap diet, and from depression. I had a 4 year degree, ugly educational debt and trying to climb the "you need experience" ladder took on two years of poverty. I was not in a good place when I took my next job.
Next job was amazing -- a jet set job. I travelled to a new city each week, had an astounding paycheck (what?? pay my bills and put away into investments and savings? I'm a king!) But the hours were cruel. More depression from monster hours all the time. The people I was with out of necessity would go out to each each night and we'd have a huge plate then go to bed and live off of caffiene and vending machine food and fast food during the day. Blech. By this time I am very aware of late night meals, lethargy, creeping in limited mobility, feeling gross and a blob. I knew food was not going to help me. Instead I adopted social anxiety and after work avoided my co workers and went to bed. Sleep and avoidance, what a yucky thing depression does chemically to your brain. Then the botched election of 2000 and a new president and well... I know now it was the start of my "shutting off." (More on that later).
So from 2000 to 2005 I hovered around an 18.
From Sept 2005 - March 2006 I was in a relationship with a great guy (but not great for me turns out). I couldn't deal with a lot of what he considered normal -- like not ever cleaning your fridge or oven in 7 years. And he had a pack rat complex and was underhandedly controlling. Oh not good. Not good. I moved to a new city to be with him, and couldn't get a job for love nor money. Lets just say the episodic depression turned to self loathing and WAY too much eating and sleeping. On our combined income we should have applied for food stamps, instead wanted to keep our pride and pinched pennies instead. The people at the free-food at the church days were kind, but I hated my self for allowing myself to believe this was supposed to be normal. I had a college degree, world travelling experience, public speaking talents, a sparkling personality and was living like a caged rodent grateful for any rotting scraps I could procure.
For the most part I've blocked that part of my life out of my memory. It really wrenches me to think about it as I type it. The feelings of THEN are feeling very REAL again now. Wether its PMS or just an aha moment of "look how far you've come" I'm crying as I write all this. Blech. Deep breaths. Okay...
I knew I was in a bad place. I felt trapped. My parents and family had already made it blatantly clear that I was a major disappointment to them all. I was not invited to my sisters wedding. Emotional bloodbath. In retrospect lets just say all those cheap day old donuts were the most expensive food I'd ever eaten. I gained an unhealthy 70 pounds in those 6 months. Oh it was bad. BAD. It was devastating when I didn't fit my fat pants any more and relegated to hiding in drawstring and elastic sleep pants as daily wear. When I hit 300# I really had to give myself some slap therapy. And a whole lot of TLC and self care.
I left him. I moved out of state. I finished my masters degree. But that seems small in comparison to the next 300 days: finishing a committed program to getting myself out of LACK and into ABUNDANCE. And its been a slow process of change -- especially thinking. I now think better, but have to ACT better. I know better, I just don't do better.
That's what the next 300 days are all about.
Oregon Trail 2170 milesPosted on January 12, 2007 at 9:25 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link
I love the National Park Service. Ever since I was a little star eyed girl with pig tails devouring national park maps in the back seat of the cramped family car on annual summer vacataions, I have appreciated what the NPS does each day. In 6th grade when we all took the vocational aptitude test or whatever its called I was slated to be 1. Park Ranger, 2. Librarian. In retrospect, those are two jobs I probably should have pursued. Wrongly I didn't want to be a Park Ranger because of their drab uniforms and I didn't want to be a librarian because all the librarians had severe hair styles and were persnickety. I should have looked up what those jobs paid instead....
But back to the NPS and the Oregon trail statistics. http://www.nps.gov/archive/fola/oregon.htm 2170 miles. On foot. On horseback or sitting on an wooden buckboard. 2170 miles.
Maybe that ought to be my first 90 day revolution distance goal. Lets see, just checked the math on that and I'd need to crunch in 24.1 miles each day. Its great if you have to walk all day as the O.T. pioneers did, but let see how long it does take me to log that many miles (walking, jogging, biking, stairstepper, swimming). Goal and record keeping noted.
Other 2007 health goals I need to activate in my 390 revolution are: March walk 26 miles in one day (will probably take me most of the short daylight hours) Early May trip to Massachusetts + Holyoke Marathon May 30th trip to Colorado for Bolder Boulder 10 K in the elevations October 1 Chicago Marathon Learn Rock Wall Climbing * rock wall climb weekly
Weekly regimine of cardio & weight training with sub goals of learn spinning * and fall in love with it, need it, crave it & ooh think of the endorphin and seratonin highs!! --> Learn how to handle myself in a gym class setting again --> Learn to do an actual flip turn in the pool for laps ---> Core work. My core has been neglected for a decade, and it shows. --> Arm work. One ought not to have stretch marks where biceps & triceps ought to be.
Start of the 390 RevolutionPosted on January 12, 2007 at 9:06 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkI start this blog for accountability. And if people read this, welcome to my journey. I love to write, vent, journal, but my books full of goals and goal setting haven't catapulted me into personal revolution. This is it. All I want to do this year (and subsequent years) is not daunting. But it is enchanting, thrilling and urgent. I think of this as like my own personal "Oregon Trail" journey. People set out to live a new life, face many fears and obstacles in pursuit of who they wanted to be. The journey was arduous and often grueling. Still they persevered. Weight Loss/Becoming an athlete and financial abundance is my Oregon Trail.
I am also a social historian -- I don't think "real history" is about presidents, leaders, wars, battles and all that history-class stuff. No, indeed, the true measure of a people are in their personal lives -- who they are, what they do, what they eat, what they wear, how they celebrate, music they listen to, the stuff they cherish, the stuff they loathe. This whole blogging phenomena is a joy. We, across the world, are all social historians. Back in the early 90s in college a friend commented in the computer lab that not only is big brother tracking our every click, point and typing move, but some day we'll all voluntarily let people into our own worlds.
Think about it. We live in an unprecedented time.
Instead of a few choice Rembrants and Shakespeares, we are all artists and authors. I'm glad to be a part of it now.
What took me so long? Fear. Plain and simple, fear. And in many respects fear has also been a major contributing factor in my ginormous weight gain the last 6 years. Fear has also kept me in crap thinking modes: Living in LACK. Blech. What rot. I'm done accepting the wrong thinking that poverty is what I deserve. ABUNDANCE. I now know I DANCE in abunDANCE. Let the 390 revolution begin! |
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