51108

Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of Your faithful, and enkindle in us the fire of Your love. Send forth Your Spirit, and we shall be created, and You shall renew the face of the earth.

I HAVE FAITH THAT GOODNESS AND JOY ARE MINE NOW AND FOREVER.

I hope that I get to hear from Mikey this morning and he is okay. I sure wished he had asked for me that would have been cool. I would have gone in a heartbeat too. It does not look that warm out but I may try to work a little bit on the lawn to get the water going at least on a couple of sets.

I called Mikey and he sounded like he had a bad cold. He said he was feeling better but he sure did not sound very good. I tried to let him know that I was sorry I missed his call last night and to hear he had a fever. I asked him about the trip to GP and he said he did not know whether he was going with me or not. I told him I probably would not go if he did not go with me. He said that they were undecided. I intend to keep up the pressure until I get some kind of commitment. What a bitch.

He called again to ask about adding some minutes which I did. Later around five oclock he dialed my number he said by accident. The minutes had been put on his phone.

Wes called and we talked for a while. Then Ellen called and said she was home. I talked to Gary about the uranium mining on the Tallahassee. He said it had not gone through probate but I guess it is not anything that has to be settled until there is something to discuss.

I never did do much on the water. The wind was blowing a gale and it was disagreeably cold. I will check on the trees another day.

51008

Because I feel that in the heavens above
The angels, whispering one to another,
Can find among their burning tears of love,
None so devotional as that of "Mother,"
Therefore, by that dear name I have long called you,
You who are more than mother unto me.

I TRUST IN THE DIVINE POWER OF GOODNESS AND LOVE TO PROTECT AND GUIDE ME. THIS ANGEL HELPS US TO TRUST OURSELVES AND TRUST LIFE AND ALL IT HAS TO OFFER US AND TRUST OTHER PEOPLE.

50908

Spirituality is important in every aspect of my life. I mean, that's why I'm here. That's what I've been blessed to do.

I have come into work even though there is not much scheduled. I only had two loads opf hay and I watched CRAZY which was a story of five sons in Montreal and how they grew up in a strong Catholic family. Before I left the scalehouse Mikey called me and wondered whether I had called him or not. I found out some of things going on. I told him maybe I could come see him one day next week. I told him I missed him and he said to look at the truck. When I told him he was the apple of my eye he said that I was the banana of his eye. He giggled. He said that they were going to try to find a house in Portland so he did not expect to stay long in Eugene..

50808

You have blessed us, O God,
with the gift of friendship,
the bonding of persons
in a circle of love.
We thank you for such a blessing:
for friends who love us,
who share our sorrows,
who laugh with us in celebration,
who bear our pain,
who need us as we need them,
who weep as we weep,
who hold us when words fail,
and who give us the freedom
to be ourselves.
Bless our friends with health,
wholeness, life, and love.

It was a very slow day again at the scalehouse. Tom said it was up to me whether I would work on Friday. There is nothing going on but I need the money so I’ll go in and work ten hours. I watched the movie The Fastest Indian In The World – about Burt Munro rebuilding an old Indian Motorcycle in New Zealand and racing it on the Salt Flats. Then tonight I watched I Could Never Be Your Woman – a story in Hollywood where some older woman gets this younger guy. It was all right I guess.

I heard from Ellen about the uranium at Canon City. Then I called Art and I guess we are going to go to a Football Game on Saturday night.

50708

Either we are adrift in chaos or we are individuals, created, loved, upheld and placed purposefully, exactly where we are. Can you believe that? Can you trust God for that?

I watched two videos yesterday Big Eden on the laptop that was a five about a gay artist coming home to take care of an ailing grandfather. The other was out of Blockbuster :Margot at The Wedding that was a three. It was about an artist sister coming home for the wedding of an estranged sister. It was just not that good a story.

I should have a couple containers today and maybe a pellet truck. I don’t see much else going on. I need to get a letter out to Nolan and that is about it.

I got a letter off to Nolan. I had some cereal at lunch and got in a set exercises. I continue to knock a few pounds off. I hope to get under 165 and stay around there. I can always go on a fast if I kick over. It is mainly a problem of eating too much and not enough exercises.

50508

Weave the unfailing fabric of God’s Word through your heart and mind. It will hold strong, even if the rest of life unravels.

I sent an email off to MM and added 70 more minutes to Mikey’s phone. I’ll see if he notices. I am going to send him a video today. I want to get some more coffee and a lottery ticket after work tonight. There may be some hay moving in and a couple of containers to keep me awake.

It was a slow day and it probably will be no better tomorrow. I heard from MM and she thought the weekend was great. She sent me another message this evening that she had talked to Mikey and he said that they were moving on the 15^{th -} some where he did not know whether to California or some place else. I guess I expected them to move and he may stick around for a while longer.  It probably explains some of the things he was doing over the weekend. A person never knows with those folks what is coming off next. I guess the main thing is not to get too upset. Whatever happens will be for the best and it may mean that I will be even closer with Mikey. I have very positive feelings about this whole situation.

50408

Wisdom is the power to see and the inclination to choose the best and highest goal, together with the surest means of attaining it.

I am playing things by the ear today. I feel like I was taken to the cleaners yesterday. I spent way too much money. I was not too thrilled by a couple of episodes with Mikey. Sort of a trial of wills if you know what I mean. I think he could be a real manipulator and he needs to think that over a little bit.

I did not hear from Mikey until eight thirty. I guess it is no surprise that we kept getting voice mail since he had left his phone in my car. The ring tone has been changed to a piece of music and he has it in a scabboard he bought at a yard sale so it is hard for me to hear it – him as well I guess. Anyway when we finally did hook up he grabbed a couple cinnamon buns (one for himself and one for me) some orange juice and coffee at Plaid Pantry and we were off to the skateboard park in Glenn Haven Park on 82^nd Avenue. Even at nine oclock there were quite a few young folks around riding skateboards, scooters, and bicycles. Mikey said he was going to check it out and would leave his skateboard in the car. He suggested I stay in the car, look at the beautiful park and not embarrass him – okay by me. Later he was back for his skateboard that he carried around more than he rode. The crowd grew, I slept and read and did not embarrass him. We stayed for over ten hours. The weather was perfect and he and some other kids developed some games of sliding down the slopes of the bowls with bicycles, skaters, and scooters whizzing by and playing a game of “chicken” without running over one another. Actually there were between 50-75 males playing in this area without any conflict. They were of all ages, colors, and skill levels. I was really inspired by the whole experience. I never saw anyone get seriously hurt, no arguments, no drinking but a lot of good physical activity. Some outfit sponsoring a skateboard video came around about  twelve thirty with a pickup full of pizza and bottled water and it disappeared very quickly.

Several times in the afternoon the Good Humor truck came by and Mikey (son like father) had some bucks and made sure his buddies had some ice cream.

After ten hours in the bright sun and sliding on slick cement Mikey was one pink Indian and a little on the “rode hard put away wet” side – definitely needing a shower. But he had fun there is no doubt. I never saw anyone who could draw out a parting longer than Mikey. We spent thirty minutes getting me headed home. He was still waving when I went around the corner. I should think he did not have to have his back rubbed to get to sleep last night.

Trust the past to God’s mercy, the present to God’s love, and the future to God’s providence.

I talked to Mikey last night and he said he was expecting me for both days. I asked him what time to be there and he said nine. So I called at the 30-minute mark and got voice mail – left a message. I went to Annie house and it looked deserted. I waited half and hour and got voice mail again. I was dialing Annie’s number when Mikey called me and wanted to know where I was. I told him a couple blocks away. He was going to run to meet me but I talked him out of it. I never got as straight answer about what was going on. He said he had gone to the store for Annie and left his phone at the house. HMMMMMMM????????
I knocked on the door and Mikey was there with my prize and Annie was in front of the TV sorting through different things (It looked like the typical “spinner” trash pile.). We greeted one another but no hugs this time (dang don’t you hate that) anyway Mikey said his mom was on the sofa with her head covered up. She finally appeared looking decidedly about the same. She said that her phone had stopped working and I told her we would get another one. Annie recently got a new one similar to Michael’s so I was not surprised that she would finish trashing hers. Anyway she told Mikey and me to head out she would call us when she was ready to buy a phone. So we were just roaming around –Mikey was looking for a deserted parking lot to practice his driving – apparently his mother has been let him drive around empty lots while he is on her lap. I could not find one (surprise, surprise) so we checked out Walgreen’s toy department and found a
helicopter we could not live with out. We headed to a park but Katie called from Lloyd’s Center that she was at the Sprint store. We eventually found her and Mike decided to go skating while Katie and I tried to hammer out a deal with Ma Sprint. She finally got a phone for a good deal and I guess she was happy. We discussed a few odds and ends about the visits and my relationship with Mikey. The sky was the limit today. Apparently Annie has not been too pleased with Mikey’s behavior when he came back to hell after spending some time with me. He was disagreeable and sassy. I guess he has it figured out a little better these days. Katie and I agreed that whenever Annie and Mikey have words they both get on Mikey’s level. Katie said she could not say anything without upsetting Annie so she and Mikey just stayed away. At the present time Bernard is in Eugene and Annie wants to be there. I think Katie would stay in Portland if she could find a place.
Mikey has said several times he would rather be in Portland than Eugene. Your calls are not being transferred to Katie’s phone - the Sprint rep said there is no way she can do it. Mikey said he had been calling you but I am not sure when. He does not keep his phone with him all the time. He seems afraid he will lose it or break it.
Last weekend Annie and Mikey went to Eugene and Katie stayed in Portland. Jonah took Mikey and whoever on the camping trip in the mountains near Ashland. Mikey did not give many details but did not declare it a whole lot of fun. I had to get a motel room late so got one with two beds again and Mikey called about staying over but he said Jonah was going to be there so he had to go back to Annie’s. We went home as slowly as possible. He is supposed to call me at seven in the morning – who knows? I am not quite clear about all this sudden involvement with Jonah.
Before Katie left me at the Center she hit me up for money and inquired about the stipend. I mentioned the Grants Pass trip in three weeks and she said that Mikey could definitely go – present plans are arriving on Saturday and leaving on Tuesday. She said he could afford to miss the school. Mikey seemed pretty good and had positive things to say about the school situation but I think he may have some difficulty separating fact from wishing it was fact.
That is about all I can think of for the moment.

 50208

May Christ keep me ever young to the greater glory of God.
For old age comes from Him, old age leads to Him,
and old age will touch me only insofar as He wills.
To be "young" means to be hopeful, energetic, smiling --- and clearsighted.
May I accept death in whatever guise it may come to me in Christ,
that is, within the process of the development of life.

I only had one sale and that was to Weber. I got caught up on most stuff. I thought I was the only one around so I walked the loop and then Tom showed. I guess he went to the doctor yesterday. I watched the video Innocent Ones about a kid in El Salvadore that was in the middle of the revolution and finally was able to escape to the US.

I am waiting to hear from Mikey but right now I plan to leave in the morning and stay over night. I got some money and stopped by WalMart for a chef salad for $4.00. I’ll check it out. I got the power bill and passed it off to the renters.

My Heavenly Father, I thank You, through Jesus Christ, Your beloved Son, that You kept me safe from all evil and danger last night. Save me, I pray, today as well, from every evil and sin, so that all I do and the way that I live will please you. I put myself in your care, body and soul and all that I have. Let Your holy Angels be with me, so that the evil enemy will not gain power over me. Amen.

I am not sure what is in store today. I guess I should write Schimmele. I need to pay storage and the prescription insurance. I should get a gift card from WalMart and sort of get things going for the weekend. I am not sure whether I will be in Portland or coming back to Hermiston. I should pick up a few things around the trailer to get the weeds trimmed.

It was a very slow day again. I think Tom went off riding his four-wheeler. I picked up the gift card and did a few things around the trailer. I called Mikey several times before he answered. He said that he was in a school program and he should have told me. He said I could visit him but I had to find out when from his mother. I think I will just head out and if they don’t want to see me they will just have to head me off. He said he had a prize for me. Joel called but did not have much to say. I guess that his blog articles are still stuck in review and could be there for a while.

43008

Breathe in me, O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy.
Act in me, O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy.
Draw my heart, O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy.
Strengthen me, O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy.
Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy.
Amen.

I have sent off an email to MM and Mary Ellen. I have promised her a $150.00 that I should send out this afternoon. I need to get a letter off to Nolan and Schimmele, I guess there will be a few more loads of hay.

Wes called this morning and wanted to talk. I guess he was trying to line up something for Nolan. He was talking about a water truck to fight forest fires. I guess that he has a couple of contacts that he is willing to work on. He seems to have plenty of work lined out for several weeks. He said that Marlette was laying off people and going on short work weeks. He is glad to be away from that place.

42908

The best cure for loneliness is developing an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

It was a pretty slow day. I got some doughnut for Javier and I need to get him a meal. There was some hay hauled in and some pellets went out. Tom came up and visited for a while. I dropped a line to MM and she answered that she was concerned that Katie was ruining Mikey.  He called me around three thirty and said that he had found his phone in his backpack – this might not have been true because Annie knew where it was. I asked him if he was heading back to Portland and he said yeah tonight. He said he would call me again. At ten thirty PM he gave me a call again and said that he was till in Eugene and that he would be going back to Portland on Wednesday and had only two days to go to school. I said I hoped to see him this weekend and he said I know I will see you this weekend. He repeated that statement. We will have to work out the details. He said he had to call his mother, which meant he was some place either with Annie or by himself.

42808

Rest. Rest. Rest in God's love. The only work you are required now to do is to give your most intense attention to His still, small voice within.

I would guess there is not much going on at the scalehouse. I think that there are a number of guys who have been laid off. They may move in some more hay but that is about it. Another wind gale is predicted which I am not anticipating with any enjoyment. I hope I hear from Mikey today and possibility from Katie if she gets the note on the stipend. I need to send the DVD off to him.

A flat tire on the way to work. I had to have Javier come with a better jack. What a pain in the ass. No word from Mikey this morning. Where is he?

The tire cost nearly three hundred dollars because I  broke the wheel. I talked to Nolan and he did not have a lot to say. I saw Rachel Dyer at Schwab’s and I did not recognize her in the beginning. We finally spoke.

42708

Be our light in the darkness, O Lord, and in your great mercy defend us from all perils and dangers of this day; for the love of your only Son, our Savior Jesus Christ.

I plan to give Joel a visit today. I heard from Schimmele yesterday that he was in general population but I am not sure that he is celling with Joel. I tried to talk to Mikey last night but he did not answer. I am not sure whether I had a call on my phone early this morning – around six oclock.

42608

I had the oil changed in the Expedition and had lunch in TriCities. Mikey called for more minutes but could not catch him later in the day. He was supposed to be in Grants Pass with his Uncle????

If there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow human being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.

Thanks so much for bringing that information to my attention. Certainly invigorating thinking andwriting for the advancement of mankind.

The planet I am currently inhabiting is pretty diverse and I certainly feel like I am in the minority -and that is reality. As far as I can figure I can adapt or cease to exist.

If any of us arre going to survive we need to recognize this diversity and work through to the solution not the elimination. Personally I have seen enough conflict, confrontation, and mindless rhetoric. I think it is time to give cooperation, communication, and compromise a chance.

I really don't think the "great old days" were that great. I think the future looks challenging but actually pretty good - especially if we get some fresh energy and give some new thoughts a chance to change a few things.

I sometimes wonder if this country would have come into existence if the "conservative brain-trust" had prevailed in 1776. Granted Obama is just as human as the rest and is a Harvard educated lawyer but he is young enough to get smarter, glib enough to pronouce nuclear, and apparently does not have a swollen prostrate nor is pre-menopausal.

Think about it but don't be afraid of it.

Unk, the Democrat

That is interesting. He called me last night a couple of times. Once when he was getting on the train and later about half way to Eugene. He described the food available and seemed to be having a good time. He mentioned the fact we could talk whenever we wanted.

He called me about an hour ago and said he was down to 12 minutes so I put some more time on. I imagine he will call me back. I think he is okay but I think if you are concerned give him a call – of course, if Katie is around he is probably not going to be able to say much.

I mailed off the support gift card this morning with some snack cash for Mikey. I enclosed the following note to Katie:

HI KATIE- - -

I HAVE SENT THE WEEKLY $50.00 GIFT CARD ALONG WITH THE PHONE SERVICES TO MIKEY AS FINANCIAL AND MORAL SUPPORT FOR HIS WELL BEING. I PLAN TO DO SO AS LONG AS I AM ABLE – NOT AS AN OBLIGATION OR LEVER TO SEE AND BE WITH MIKEY – BUT RATHER AS AN ACT OF LOVE IN THE MEMORY OF MICHAEL CUSHMAN AND OF MY LOVE FOR MIKEY. I WOULD, INDEED, PREFER TO HAND THEM TO HIM EACH WEEK, HOWEVER REALISTICALLY I KNOW THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE.

I DO FEEL THAT MIKEY AND I HAVE DEVELOPED A RATHER UNUSUAL, UNIQUE, AND STRONG BOND THAT IS POSITIVE FOR US BOTH. I AM SURE THAT IT WILL WORK ITS WAY THROUGH OUR MUTUAL EXISTENCE AS IT IS MEANT TO BE.

IN NO WAY HAVE I EVER MEANT TO HARASS OR PUT PRESSURE ON YOU ABOUT MY VISITS IN TIME OR FREQUENCY. IN FACT, MUCH OF WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DO WAS TAKE SOME PRESSURE OFF YOU AND GIVE YOU SOME PEACE OF MIND THAT HE WAS SAFELY SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH SOMEONE WHO CARED FOR HIM AND RESPECTED YOU AND YOUR WISHES.

HOWEVER, I DO THINK THAT SOME CONSISTENCY AND PREDICTABILITY IN THE ARRANGEMENTS ARE OF VITAL IMPORTANCE FOR MIKEY’S GOOD MENTAL HEALTH AND FEELINGS OF SECURITY AND MY PEACE OF MIND. I DEFINITELY THINK IT WOULD BE COUNTER PRODUCTIVE TO HIM FOR ME TO SUDDENLY DISAPPEAR FROM HIS WORLD AND WITHDRAW MY SUPPORT.

I WOULD CONSIDER IT A PRIVILEGE, HONOR, AND PLEASURE IF YOU WOULD ALLOW US TO CONTINUE TO HAVE FREQUENT VISITS WITH ONE ANOTHER WHENEVER IT DID NOT DIRECTLY INTERFERE WITH YOUR PLANS TO BE WITH HIM. IN MY OPINION THE LENGTH OF TIME OF THE PROPOSED VISITS IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS THE FREQUENCY.

I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO HAVE YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT ANY CONCERNS YOU MIGHT HAVE ABOUT MY CONTINUED VISITATIONS. I BELIEVE THAT MIKEY WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE SEEING ME ON A REGULAR BASIS.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IT WOULD BE A DISTINCT PRIVILEGE TO BE CONSIDERED MIKEY’S “SAFETY NET” AND BE THERE FOR HIM IN ANY CAPACITY AS LONG AS I AM WILLING AND ABLE TO DO SO.

WITH LOVE

PAT R    Your mom emailed the other day about my visitations i.e. this note.

What do you think? Am I digging a hole for myself?

“Keep your head up and a smile on your face.” 

Until later

Patr

42508

No matter how tough life gets, if you can see the shore [of heaven] and draw your strength from Christ, you’ll make it.

There was not a lot going on at the scalehouse today. In fact the mill broke down and Lorenzo went after parts and so I was the only person there. I think the same was true of the office. I got a letter from Schimmele but I have not answered it yet. I wrote a note to put in the gift certificate for Mikey to Katie. We will see how it goes. I got some food at Roy and Venita – a carry out. I hope to sort of maintain over the week end.

I called Mikey and he was about to get on the train. He called me back and was telling me all that was going on during the trip. It sounded like he was enjoying himself and that is good. I emailed MM and got an answer. I guess she has about the same take I have on what is happening with Mikey.

I registered as a Democrat today and have an email from Art already. I think that it sounds bad for the Democrats right now. I think they are beating themselves up.

I watched a movie from Netflix on the laptop called This is England – it was sort of a documentary on immigration and the Faulkland War in the UK. It was pretty interesting. It looks like I can get my money’s worth using the laptop. Nolan called and said that he had filed some papers. I am not sure that it is going to do any good.

42408

Make it a practice to judge person and things in the most favorable light at all times, in all circumstances.

It looks like a windy day and probably not much going on at the scalehouse. I slept until the alarm this morning and that is rather unusual. I have been on starvation for three days and hopefully I am going to be in the 160’s this morning. I expect that I had better start doing some stuff on the lawn. The renter mowed the grass around the trailer so I need to give them some credit for that. I have not heard from Nolan for over a week. I hope all is well with him. The same with Joel – I am not sure that SRCI still has problems or what. I have pretty much decided to go ahead with the support on Mikey and plan as many visits as can be squeezed in.

42308

Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console,
not so much to be understood as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.

I have sort of been toying with the idea of sending Katie a letter that will arrive on Monday and send her copies of the email and my answer. I would probably state that I am not sure when I will be returning for a visit. I do not make it a practice to be in those places and with people where I do not feel welcome. Until I get a specific invitation I will probably suspend any further visits. It could be counter productive and pretty much end the relationship or could sort of set some guidelines on further interaction. It is certainly a gamble. I am inclined at the moment to stop sending money for Mikey’s support until I visit with him again.

At seven oclock this morning he called me and said that he just wanted to say hi and let me know that he would probably not see me this weekend. I told him that is what I understood and not to worry we would see each other again. I checked to see how he was and he said good as always.

It was really a pretty boring day as I continue to stew over the Mikey situation. I am not really sure what I am going to do. It seems a shame to sack it all but I have it on my mind. I guess I need to check with Mikey also. I wrote to both Joel and Nolan and they should be in the mail tonight.

I looked around and tried to find Tom Weightman but all the doors seemed closed today. It is possible that he is living in Devils Lake North Dakota. I sent Bob a fax in Boise and tried to get a hold of Craig in Hilo. Nothing was current or got a response.

42208

It looks like a rainy day. Nothing of importance on the agenda. We will just have to see what develops. There may be about five containers and then I am not sure what is on the docket. There might be something for GFE later. I need to get the letter and pictures out to Joel. It will be interesting to see if Mikey will give me a call again today.  I am not sure about MM – I really don’t have that much to say today.

A real kick in ther nuts this afternoon when I got an email from Annie pretty well telling me that I was not to try to see Mikey every weekend from here on out. In fact it sounded like I should disappear into the sunset. I sent an email back and it had some thorns but I think there was enough sugar there to may be keep things going. MM thought it was a”beautiful” response. The jury is still out.

This weekend I am taking Mikey on the train to Eugene, just so you know, he will not be available not even on Sunday afternoon or evening.  Thanks for spending alot of time with him and putting out such an effort to be available for him.  We appreciate you for everything you have done. 

Katie really is doing alot better and Mikey is responding well in everyway.  It is very important that she spends alot of time with him. 

The ordeal with Mike threw us all for a loop and it has been rough for everyone but life must go on.

Sorry if you are not able to see Mikey as much as you would like but we have other family members who like to see him on the weekends too.  He has 4 uncles, a grandpa, a great-grandpa, a great-grandma on Katie's side of the family who are wanting to see him. Katie has been very busy working some odd jobs during the week and trying to get on her feet..so she needs time with Mikey on the weekends too.

I believe most grandparents see their grandkids once in awhile..not every weekend so that is something that is to be expected. Mikey's other family doesn't even see him half as much as they would like..so please be understanding that we will be arranging visits for them as well.  Please do not pressure Katie about it because she has a low stress level as it is. 

I send this with the best of intentions and you are not obligated to do anything for him or Katie for that matter whether you see him or not.  I guess Katie got the impression that you did not want to send money and things if you weren't able to see him each weekend.  We do not expect anything from you other than your friendship.

Thanks again for everything,

Annie

Thank you for letting me know that Mikey will not be available this weekend. It does help to know your intentions in advance.

I am not sure what prompted the remainder of your communication. I am not offended by any part of it, however, I want you to know anything I have done for Mikey, or any of his relatives, has been done on the behalf of Michael Cushman – and I consider no part of it an ordeal or obligation. I am not sure anyone should be able to determine what contributions are appropriate and sufficient. And I intend to continue making contributions, as I am able.

I am not sure that the length of time spent with Mikey is maybe as important as the quality of that time. I understand that Mikey has other relatives and needs to see them from time to time. I am sure if they made the effort they could probably see him much oftener. I guess that the visits by other relatives are determined by who wants to and who is willing to make the effort. I do have the inclination and the time to spend time with him and I consider it to be a privilege and a pleasure to be allowed to do so. I feel that in my insignificant way I have somewhat filled a void in Mikey’s life.

I think we have developed an unusual and solid relationship that benefits us both. I also feel that to terminate that relationship could have real negative consequences at this time in Mikey’s life since it would be one more male no longer available – sic. His dad. I would think that it is important that we maintain some consistency in my friendship with Mikey, Katie and you. I am not suggesting that we must spend every week-end together and never have - except that it was something that Mikey wanted and seemed to be a way to motivate him.

I guess that we all perceive things and events from our point of view. My intention is and has been to make life easier and better for Katie. I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for her. I thought about her as I drove home Sunday. When I saw her standing in the kitchen doorway that night, my heart really went out to her. She really looked sad and rather forlorn and I wished there was some way I could make her happy and more content. I would guess that her happiest time in life was as a teenage with Michael – may she be so fortunate to somehow regain some of that some day soon.

Please do not drive me out of Mikey’s life. I understand I am not a grandparent but  I have spent my life helping children in all ways and I would appreciate continuing to be part of his and your life.

Love to all