I am supposed to be called for breakfast and then we will go to the Motel and get Michael's things. Then I suppose we must select a mortuary and make those arrangements. Then I will probably go back to Hermiston and carry on. I need to make some arrangements about the phone and the car.

Had breakfast with Annie and Mikey. Picked up the stuff from the motel. We took it back to Annie's and started soliciting funeral homes. We finally found one that would cremate for around $500. There seemed to be some disagreement in Michael family but finally left it up to them. What a fucking nightmare. Made the arrangements and if they have a viewing they will have to pay for it. Ate at Red Robin and took everyone by Annies and headed for home.

I truly have a broken heart. Mikey said his chest hurt and mine does as well. I am sure that time will help. The question is whether I can keep in touch wth Mikey. I will try. I guess I will leave it up to the people in Grants Pass to get something going on a celebration. I spend too much time crying - will I have guts to do this again. Well, probably I plan to go visit Joel on Saturday.

I just wish I had someone to share my life with that I loved as much as I loved Michael. It takes so long to develop a relationship and then to have it disappear in a fraction of a second is so hard to handle. Mikey said, "I only knew my dad a few months but I fell completely in love with him." So did I.