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In my intellect, I may divide [faith and works], just as in the candle I know there is both light and heat; yet put out the candle, and both are gone.

I LET GO ALL PAIN AND TENSION AS I FLOAT IN THE SEA OF DIVINE LOVE. THIS ANGEL CAN HELP ME TO FEEL WELL IN MY BODY AND AWAKEN MY SENSES, AND GROUND MY ENERGY SO THAT I AM BETTER ABLE TO MANIFEST MY GIFTS AND MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE.

O God of eternal life, bless all who contemplate taking their own life. Grant them peace from the internal fears and doubts, from the turmoil of failures, from the pain and suffering in their souls. Endow them with hope for the days ahead, courage to make new beginnings, and love to strengthen their resolve to live. Amen.

I am not sure how I feel about today. I guess I am not really that excited about spending some time in Eugene. I am not sure about the reception I am going to get when I show up. I have been fighting the speed of my Internet connection and fell like I would like to do something else but then I am not here that much either. Of course, I do run it every night. I seemed to have been dreaming about David last night. It is funny how he is on my mind from time to time. I think I will stop at the scalehouse and try to get some time on Mikey’s phone and check out motels in Eugene. I still have heard nothing from MM. She must be pissed off because of my attitude last week – oh well.

I stopped by the scale house and got the time on for Mikey and got a motel. I made the trip in good time and finally found the house but I had to call Mikey several times. Katie was there asleep and Annie was okay. She rode with Mikey and me to BiMart and they were bickering all the way. Mikey bought a toy and he played ion the car for nearly an hour. I got a motel room that was messed up and he did not seem to want to swim. He was calling his friend and finally he rode his bike from his house to the guy’s house. I sat in BiMart parking lot and read. It was really not much of a visit.  Finally I had him come to the parking lot and I hooked up with them until dark. And then there was a party and I wanted to eat. I left him there and came back at ten to get him. I had a hell of a time finding the place. I took him back to the house and he told me he wanted to play with the kid all day tomorrow. I made a hell of a trip for nothing as far as I can see. I did not particularly feel good about it from the beginning. I told him I wanted him to pick pout his birthday present and that was about it and I would head home. What a fuck up. I have not heard from MM so she is probably pissed too. It came out that Bernard is out of the picture now and that Katie was going to get some acupuncture for her addiction. Oh man.